I had a dream two weeks before school started up again. I was in my classroom staring at my lesson plan -vacant, a blank page! I felt disoriented, tense, unable to focus on what activity to do with the students.
I've had many similar dreams over the years. What's going on in my subconsciousness? Is it that I haven't prepared adequately in advance? Probably not. Does this lost feeling come out of reliving moments when I've had to reassess what I've planned and in the heat of the moment -thus creating a moment of insecuirty and stress?
The fact is, I always feel I need to be in control of what I'm teaching, when and how. Circumstances -an unresponsive group, time left over, a hot afternoon sometimes dictate otherwise. Perhaps it is the unpredictability of teaching that haunts me. You never know for sure how things will go. The dream played out what I was most afraid of....
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I had this same feeling, yet it was not a dream. Few days before school started with my associate teacher and the students of grade two, I started to feel very nervous and scared. Although I have many years of experience working in a classroom with this age group, I could not help but feel overwhelmed. I do not know why this feeling came over me. My AT is a wonderful amazing teacher and she made it very clear to me in our first meeting, that she was very lucky to have me. What a great beginning! Could it be that my family life and my school work was so demanding that it and the thought of starting “school” took over me? Having enough pressure to accomplish everything I need to at home and for school definitely makes me lose my cool every few weeks. However this feeling was different. Maybe I have felt it before in my previous years working and volunteering at schools. Was it so long ago that I have forgotten this “wonderful” feeling of being so nervous that I could not sleep? The night before starting at Ballantrae Public School, my clothes were ready, breakfast and lunch prepared and ready to embark on a new adventure, in a grade two class. I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world, of seven year olds. All of my nervousness and fears seemed to be gone! As I waited in the classroom and saw students enter the class, I was excited and happy and on the verge of tears!? I was taken back into the past of my school years, even though I skipped grade 2. How ironic. I think every year every teacher has a little part inside of them that are nervous and scared; as they were the first day they stepped into their classroom. It’s a great feeling to still have. Once it will be gone, the excitement and thrill of teaching new sweet little people will be gone with it. It is a feeling to cherish and enjoy, as reality or as a dream.
ReplyDeleteMarina Abramovitch
I can totally emphasize with this feeling. I got to teach my first math lesson and I was so nervous and so glad I had notes in my math book. When I stood in front of the class my mind went blank. It was odd since I am not used to being nervous in front of people. Suddenly there were 22 sets of beady eyes staring up at me, waiting for me to say something intelligent. Terrifying, but what is one to do, I took a deep breath and starting in with my notes. It has certainly taught me the value of some aid when teaching, even if only sticky notes in a book.
ReplyDeleteSarah Austin
Everyone wants to be in control of what they are doing. When we are not in control we feel lost, scared and feel as if we have failed. I love teaching for the very fact that everyday is unknown and different. Doing my practicum in a grade four class I have noticed the amount of interruptions and problems that arise every single day. As teachers we need to take our time, deal with the situation at hand and move on. We will never be fully in control of what we teach but we have to try and do our best to deliver the content and with the help of our students see where it takes us. In my second week of practicum I asked my teacher if I can do an art lesson on drawing. The students were so excited and so chatty that I had to put away my notes and improvise. The students didn’t even give me a chance to look at my notes because the minute I did the classroom was chaotic. I was so not expecting this at all but I made it and class was over. As teachers we have to remember that things can and will come up, but we must stay strong and continue doing what we love doing: teaching.
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