Lessons from Losing Oneself

When my student teacher went to her second placement school, she was enthusiastic. Early in her teaching block I observed a creative math lesson with manipulatives and interactive technology. Over  the course of subsequent weeks she shared with me that her associate teacher taught by giving out handouts and requiring the students to do seat work without much of any formal, let alone engaging, lesson times.  I encouraged my student teacher to negotiate with her AT so that she could keep introducing new teaching strategies and trying new things with the students for the purpose of engagement. However, by the third visit I observed a lackluster, fairly disorganized lesson. Then, two weeks later during my fourth visit, the student teacher led the students in an educational game she had personally designed. There was laughter and full engagement from the students. I debriefed with her afterwards. What could account for this recovery from the third visit? She explained that she had complied for a while with the AT's style and expectations of herself and her students. She had begun to yell at the students ( like the AT), give minimal direction to them, keep them in their seats, and not smile. On one occasion a student jokingly held on to the sheet she was collecting, thus provoking a minor tug of war for the paper. This upset her to the point of tears. She felt she had no respect from the students. By conforming to her AT's style and manner she had lost herself. She came to that realization, decided to pull herself back together, and began to prepare and execute lessons she knew she could be proud of. I commended her for her insight and personal recovery. Sadly, many teachers let their ideals and personal best slide over time due to the pressures of the job. In the end, my student teacher demonstrated that giving our personal best in teaching is a choice and that often it flies in the face of the ambient culture. Let's make the decision to persist in giving our best!